I Don’t Know How To Talk To My Kids

“Why don’t you talk to the kids more about God?”

It’s a question that I’ve asked myself and a question that has been asked of me. It should be pretty easy to answer, right? I’ve been in ministry for 22 years. Some of those years I have been in ministry with children. So, talking with children about God is something that I’m experienced with. But if I’m honest, as I reflect on those years working with kids, my own faith is far from what it was during those years. I mean that in a good way. It’s deeper now. I’ve asked questions of my faith that I would never have even thought of in those early years. I’ve experienced joys and losses that I couldn’t have dreamed of and come out the other side still invested in faith.

I guess the thing that stands in the way of free faith sharing with my own kids is that through the years my understanding of God has become even more complicated.

And before you jump in and accuse me of being prideful and not wanting to be wrong about something let me assure that you it isn’t that. I’m. wrong all the time. Being wrong has actually led me to a pretty important conclusion about God: the mystery of God is greater/bigger/deeper/more profound than we know. And the mystery isn’t something to be figured out or solved as though we are some sort of detective. Rather, its the sort of mystery that needs to be appreciated. Sort of like a really great marriage, right? Your partner isn’t something to be solved; they’re someone to appreciate.

Look, it’s really this simple: I’ve had to unlearn so much. I mean…SO MUCH. By the time I got to Bible College equipped with all that my family, church and youth group nights and retreats and conferences and camps and …. well you get the idea…. equipped with all that I had learned about God I had a complete and utter loss of faith as I encounter other traditions, scholarly work and bigger questions than I was prepared to ask. Or answer.

And that isn’t a unique story. Many people go through this experience as they get out of the little bubble of their upbringing and travel or meet social groups or gain more education or enter the workforce or get married or anything that expands their “world” beyond themselves. It’s common. But what I found was that this first faith crisis led to the next deconstruction, which led to the next one for years and years. And I don’t think that I could’ve avoided all of these experiences and I’m thankful for who they’ve helped me become but I can track some of the pain and difficulty back to the foundations that I was given in my theological upbringing.

If I had to unlearn a little less I think I’d be a little further alone and a little bit more trauma free. And who doesn’t want that for people they love?

Which boils it all down to this: I don’t want to impose so many of the devastating theological conclusions, that will just need to be unlearned, on my children as were imposed on me. Which is why I’m so careful about what I teach my children about God. Which is why it may seem that I don’t talk about God enough with my children. If they were all grown up then they would be able to appreciate the theological nuance and unfathomable mystery of God. They could process abstract and ethereal thoughts. They could be satisfied with simply asking great questions and having open conversations. Alas, they are not. They are small children. They are sponges ready to learn and to absorb. And I want to be careful what it is that I’m putting down for them to pick up. Which is my hope for this blog. A place to begin to distill the theology and lessons that I want to pass on to my children.

Lesson 1: When you don’t know how to do something, don’t give up. Keep looking for a way forward. Even if the destination isn’t found, the journey to it will be worthwhile.